Tonight, as your 12th birthday approaches, I lecture. About attitude. Snarly, snippy, ungrateful attitude. In my beautiful girl. I don't understand. And I go on and on and on and on explaining all that you have to be grateful for and that your Daddy and I love you more than anyone else in the world loves you and....
...And you argue. You defend yourself. You blame us. I finally lose my cool. I yell. Two little sentences, but I yell. Ughhhhhhhhh!
I'm so frustrated that I could spit. But I yelled, and now I have to apologize. To my darling child who is acting so very selfish and who is grabbing every imperfection in me and using it as an excuse for her inexcusable attitude!!
Frankly, I botch the apology. I apolgize for yelling but go on to add a little more. And after a couple of minutes I add a little more. I don't think this is what apology means. I have messed up, and I need to regroup.
This is my prayer for you tonight:
Lord, bless this daughter that you gave to my husband and me almost 12 years ago. You know our hearts and how we prayed for and longed for this girl, had her name picked out before she was even formed.
Bless her in ways that we cannot imagine. She is such a strong personality--a strong-willed girl; please send your Holy Spirit to mold that personality and will. Shape it so that it will bring glory to Your Name.
Bless her teachers and those in authority over her by bringing them closer to you, and let this shine through to my girl. Father, touch her heart that it will be open and responsive to Your Word and Your Will.
Grant her the humility that her 12 year old heart does not yet know. At the same time, grant her the confidence that comes from knowing You and from knowing that You hold her in the palm of Your Hand.
Bless her friends, Lord. Draw those that will bring her closer to You closer to her, and have the rest fall away. At the same time, call her heart and mind to stand up for You even when surrounded by enemies.
And Lord, when my girl crosses the line and directly disobeys or defies, send someone to catch her so that she does not persist in disobedience but comes back to the path of obedience quickly.
I ask that you work on our hearts, Lord, that her Daddy and I will be patient when needed and unwavering when needed. Help us know when to keep our mouths shut. Help us to be patient and trusting in You and Your Grace always--and especially when we have nothing left to give. Guide us all through these next few years; we've never been here before, and I'm not really sure that I want to go.
After all of these things that I've asked, I don't want to forget to say thank you, Lord. There was a time when I wondered if we'd ever have this child to pray for. You have truly given me the desire of my heart.
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5 comments:
Wow, this post spoke to me! What an amazing prayer. I have botched SO many apologies ("I'm sorry I lost my temper, but it frustrates me so much when you...and if only you hadn't..."). What a great reminder to commit our most precious treasures into the hands of the only One who loves them more than we do!
Oh my. I am tearful as I write this. Your post made me think of just how my mother must have prayed for me at that stage not to mention herself and my dad. I feel you are such a wonderful mother that the Lord will lead you through these years and as trying as they might be they will have their rewards as well. Best of wishes as you sit on the fence of the unknown in the preteen/teen years.
Amen!
you are such a sweet mama. WE all mess up and perhaps respond in haste but what matters is that they know we truly love them unconditionally! Very heart touching. Teenagers, I remember being miserable and not knowing why, just miserable and then hating being that way but not being able to get out of the slump. OH WAIT!! that's me know!
none the less, I count it as hormones!
Yes, this sounds like my life. Thanks for sharing!
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